To be a good friend with a married man, set clear boundaries and be transparent with your spouse and his. Respect his spouse and his commitment to his marriage. Avoid flirtatious behavior and spending time alone.
Table of Contents
1. Honor Boundaries
One of the most important parts of having a platonic friendship with a married man is setting and respecting clear boundaries.
There is nothing wrong with being friends with someone of the opposite sex, even when they are married. However, it is important to remember that you are just friends and nothing more, and that line should never be crossed.
If ever you cross any boundary, things can become very complicated. Not only are you disrespecting your friend, but you are disrespecting their partner as well.
2. Respect Their Spouse
Remember that their spouse deserves respect when it comes to being friends with a married person (even if you’re his ex-spouse). Having friends of the opposite sex can sometimes be difficult when setting proper boundaries and maintaining those, but being a good friend and considering your friend’s spouse is imperative to having a married friend.
When you have a mixed-gender friendship, and you don’t show respect to their wife or significant other, there will be issues. This can cause a strain on your friend’s marriage, as well as on your friendship.
It may even cause them to cut you off, as a married man with female friends might be seen as a threat to the spouse if things aren’t done properly, and respect is not present.
3. Communication Is Key
Maintain clear communication with your male friend and always express anything that might feel “off”.
There are several potential risks of miscommunications or misunderstandings, including someone getting their feelings hurt, building a rift in the relationship, or possibly even ending the friendship.
4. Avoid Flirtatious Behavior
When you are friends with a man in a committed relationship, avoid flirting or any type of behavior that may be considered flirtatious. This muddies the water, can become confusing and uncomfortable, and may even lead to an emotional affair or more.
It is important to know when you are crossing the line from friendship to inappropriate friendship and avoid that line at all costs. Avoid sending mixed signals, whether from text messages that can be misconstrued or certain body language, to avoid any grey areas.
5. Don’t Spend Time Alone
When you are friends with a married man, avoiding spending alone time together is in your best interest. Not only because it can be seen as inappropriate by others, especially your friend’s spouse, but it also opens up the opportunity for inappropriate behavior.
When spending time with your guy friend, it is best to do so in a public or group setting. Going to a coffee shop or a group hang-out is better than inviting him over to your house for dinner or a drink. Be conscious of where and how you spend your time together.
6. Be Mindful Of the Touch
When members of the opposite sex are friends and nothing more, they should be mindful of physical touch and how it can be perceived by others or even those involved in the friendship. Consider how it may look before you touch the other person and ensure it is appropriate. If it can be seen as inappropriate in any way, it is best to avoid it altogether.
Physical touch is a powerful thing and while it can be completely innocent in many cases, it can also lead to more in others. Be mindful of how you are touching your married friend and ensure that s/he or anyone else won’t take it the wrong way.
7. Respecting Their Commitment
Never do anything to jeopardize their marriage or your friendship. You should never do anything that would be perceived as disrespectful to your friend’s marriage or anything that would be considered inappropriate to do with a married friend.
Some people find it difficult to understand when married men have female friends. That being said, knowing that your friend is married and has committed to his wife should always be at the forefront of your mind.
8. Be Supportive
This includes doing anything you can to support their marriage and family without overstepping.
Being supportive looks different in different situations. If your friend is having a hard time with their marriage, it is your place to lend an ear and, if solicited, your advice. It is not your place to join in and talk bad about your friend’s wife.
Be supportive while remaining respectful. Understanding when to offer advice and when to just listen is important as well.
A good friendship will last through anything, so being there for your friend is important. This includes trials in their marriage, big life events, and, if it comes to it, divorce or even death.
9. Evade Envy
Single women who are friends with married men may especially incite some jealousy, but doing everything you can to avoid that and respect your friend’s marriage is imperative to a healthy friendship.
Always avoid doing anything that may cause jealousy, such as posting certain pictures on social media or having inappropriate conversations via text messages. Be respectful and stick to your boundaries.
If you begin to feel jealous of your friend’s spouse, you take a step back and look at where it is coming from so that you can take care of the issue. In a healthy relationship, there should be no jealousy involved. It should be harmonious and relaxed.
10. Be Transparent
Be transparent with your spouse and encourage your friend to be the same with their spouse.
If you are friends with a married man and they are keeping secrets from their spouse about you, that should be a red flag. Encourage them to be honest with their spouse and not to hide anything because it can cause problems for them and you.
Always do so respectfully if you must navigate difficult situations or potential conflicts. Spare the intimate details and keep it honest yet appropriate. Make sure they are doing the same.
11. Adhere To The Spouse’s Wishes
Respect your spouse’s wishes when in an opposite-gender friendship with a married man (or female friends). Never go against their wishes or engage in any inappropriate or secretive behavior.
If the spouse feels uncomfortable with your friendship with their husband, then it may be in everyone’s best interest to sit down and have an open conversation.
Ensure your friend’s spouse that you are being open and clear about your relationship with their husband, and perhaps even try to include them in some of your activities or outings.
If the spouse really feels strongly about your friendship with their husband, then it may be better to cut your losses and cut off communication with them. Though this is not always easy, it is best to avoid causing further issues in the marriage.